Don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do unto you
“Don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do unto you”. Why do you think I chose this quote from Confucius? Well, I learned that cheating has consequences and sometimes we are not aware of them until someone cheats on us.
Long time ago, in my mid 20’s I decided that having a formal girlfriend was not my thing, I wasn’t ready for any sort of commitment, but at the same time I didn’t want to be alone, I wanted to have fun and have dates. What a dilemma, how can a guy have dates without any sort of commitments?
At that time I was doing a Masters and had a job. Most of the girls I knew at that time were either engage or in a serious relation.
One day, I ran into a girl I knew in the school’s cafeteria, she was drinking hot chocolate while some tears where coming down from her eyes. I decided to be a Good Samaritan; I said hi and sat next to her. “Is everything all right” I asked and she told me that she had a huge discussion with her fiancé couple of days ago and the whole story behind the fight. To be quite honest I don’t remember what happened between them but I was there for her. One thing led to another, and that night we went together to her place and had sex. I was shocked, I was at the right moment and in the right place, anyways, the day after, as I expected, she didn’t talk to me at all, so I decided to say hi again and at that moment she said, “what happened yesterday was a mistake, I love my fiancé so please, don’t ever talk to me again”.
I couldn’t care less to be quite honest, but I have admit I did enjoy sleeping with her, not because she was a super model, she was cute but that’s about it, but the adrenaline I produced knowing that I was sleeping with an engaged woman was brutal and I kind of wanted more.
That’s when I found the solution for my big dilemma; I wanted to have fun but not commitment, so going out with women I knew that were in a relation sounded exciting and fun. You couldn’t believe the success rate I had, I didn’t always score, but I did score more than going to a bar and try to meet a girl. I knew all these girls, so I didn’t have to break the ice like in a bar when you meet a random girl and I was very careful to make sure they were in a relationship, I never went after the single ones. I became some sort of friend to them at the beginning; in fact, I was very supportive of their relationships, so when they had problems in paradise, they were pretty open to discuss those problems with me, and at that time I turn into some sort of object for revenge for them, in other words, they used me to feel better.
Something it was very common, was the fact that after sleeping together, all of them started feeling bad about it and all of them used to say it was a big mistake, but somehow I always found the right words to keep having fun with them, so in other words, most of them started cheating their boyfriends or fiancés with me quite often.
I followed this strategy for couple of years until one day I realized my life was empty; yes I was having fun, but parking outside of those women’s homes waiting for the boyfriend to leave and always hiding, was becoming boring and I started to need more than just sex and adrenaline. I wanted to go to the movies once in a while with some of these girls but we couldn’t, I wanted to have dinner and chat about me with them but we couldn’t and I have to admit, I had couple of encounters with jealous boyfriends that were not fun at all, so now it was time for me to settle down.
Months later I met a single girl, she was cute but kind of boring, but because I was ready for a commitment I didn’t care and we started dating. We had a good relation, I wouldn’t say great but not bad, I cared about her but I wasn’t in love, but, what did I know about love? Probably nothing, so for me our relation was good enough.
Couple of years into my relation, I decided to try something different so I register for a yoga class and to my surprise; the yoga teacher was like an angel. She was four years younger than me but she was pretty mature and intelligent, the only problem was that she had a boyfriend, and on top of that I had a girlfriend.
After few classes we started having coffee together and having good conversations, she was like my other half, we liked similar things, we thought alike and things like that, and I can tell we both felt the same.
One Friday night she asked me if I had plans for the night and I did, actually, I was planning to go to a family dinner with my girlfriend, however for some reason I said “no plans”; so she asked me if I wanted to go out and have a drink; so as you can imagine I said yes, so I called my girlfriend and told her I wasn’t feeling good so I couldn’t go with her family. We arrived to this bar and we started talking, everything was great until she dropped the bomb, she said “I don’t know what’s going on with me, I have a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend, but you are everything I always wanted and I can’t stop thinking about you”. Few years back I would’ve said, “Yes, another adventure”; but this time I was very honest and told her I had feelings for her too; then she said, “What should we do? I’m not sure I want to break-up with my boyfriend, we have been dating for 5 years and this point we have a pretty serious relation and everybody is expecting us to get married, plus you have a girlfriend”
I didn’t have a straight answer; I just knew I wanted to be with her, even if that meant sharing her with her boyfriend and of course I didn’t want to hurt my girlfriend, but to be quite honest, if I had to shared her with the boyfriend, I wasn’t willing to be the other guy again like in the past, so I wasn’t planning on breaking-up with my girlfriend. “I want to be with you, and I understand is not easy to break-up with your boyfriend, is the same for me, is not easy to break-up with my girlfriend, so, why don’t we go out together once in a while and if we feel we are meant for each other we can take the next step” I said. She agreed with that, we kissed and we went together to my place that night.
Long time ago I didn’t care all the lies women used to cover the fact that they were with me, in my head, I was so proud of what I was doing and many occasions I used tell to myself “Yeah, she doesn’t’ want to talk to you because she has a headache, is because she is with me having fun, sucker” but this time it was different, she was an expert lying and for some reason I was so jealous when she was naked next to me but talking over the phone with the boyfriend and telling him how much she loved him and how much she missed him, but again, she was with me and not with him and that was what it mattered to me.
Me in the other hand, I wasn’t an expert liar like her, my girlfriend started having suspicions that I was cheating on her, so one day I decided it wasn’t fair for her and I wanted to be with the other girl all the time, so I decided to break-up with my girlfriend.
After breaking-up with my girlfriend I ran straight to other girl and asked her to be my full time girlfriend, I was free and ready for a commitment. I was expecting the same reaction from her, at the end and according to her I was everything she always wanted, but she told me that she needed time; I wasn’t happy but I had to agree to that. We continue doing the same for a while, we were together and she was on the phone with the boyfriend and every day I was more and more jealous until I told her it was enough I wanted her to be my girlfriend so she finally broke-up with the boyfriend and we started a formal relation.
Everything was perfect, I had a beautiful, smart and fun girlfriend, my life was great, until at some point and as in any other relation I wanted to go out once in a while with my friends and even though I wasn’t doing anything wrong I also wanted some privacy, like the contacts in my phone and the password of e-mail, believe it or not she wanted to have it. Suddenly I realize that this beautiful, smart and fun girl had a serious problem, she didn’t trust me at all, and because I cheated on my girlfriend when we met she thought I was cheating on her, so instead of having a romance like in romantic movie, we were having fights worse than the fights in any movie form Stallone. One day she became a good friend of another guy, and even worse, she was pretty open to tell me that she was going to have a drink with him or helping him with something, but I shouldn’t be worried, he was just a friend and she wasn’t cheating on me, I didn’t know what to do but to believe her, but in the other hand, she cheated on her boyfriend when she met me and she was a pretty good liar, the jealous were driving me crazy, thinking I was the boyfriend on the phone, hearing her saying she loved me at the same time she was probably naked with the other guy.
I couldn’t deal with that, I broke-up with her and asked her if she cheated on me, I needed to know the truth, she said “yes, I cheated on you, sorry”. I don’t know if what she confessed was true or not, maybe she said it in revenge because I broke-up with her or maybe she did cheat on me, but she broke my heart even though I broke-up with her and I couldn’t recuperate for a while, I thought all women were going to cheat on me, until I met my beautiful wife, but that took a while. As for her, I never saw her again but I have few friends that know her, and they told me that she is still single and she doesn’t trust any man.
The fable of this story is that cheating sounds exciting, the adrenaline is like a drug but if someone cheats on you it feels like you are ready to die, so don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do on to you. Another lesson learned is that women can cheat as much as men; they are just better liars than us, but at the same time, we can’t spend our life thinking they will cheat on us, reason why trust is very important.by