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If you are a woman, don’t forget to follow these important rules:

  1. It is better to lose a friend than an intestine, so don’t complain if we fart or burp, we don’t run on batteries.
  2. We are not your goldmine, my money is your money, and your money is our money, stop thinking that my money is your money and your money is your money.
  3. The size of the rock in an engagement ring is not proof of our love to you; it only proves we are stupid; spending lots of money in a ring that you can sell in case we get divorce is not a bright idea.
  4. Sorry but if you are not willing to split the check in the first date it means that you are a gold digger and we already said we are not a goldmine.
  5. If we drive we control the radio, there are ipods and headphones.
  6. Heavy metal is music; Lady Gaga and Reggaeton are not.
  7. We wear sock while we are having sex because most likely we will have to go to the bathroom or the kitchen afterwards and the floor is cold.
  8. Men don’t dance, period.
  9. Learn how to work the toilet seat, if it’s up, put it down, we have to do the same if it’s down we put it up, we are afraid of germs as much as you are but you don’t hear us complaining about it.
  10. Pissing standing up is more difficult that peeing sitting down, we are going to miss sometimes and we will not clean it up because is disgusting.
  11. If you don’t dress like a Victoria Secret Angel, don’t expect us to act like soup opera guy.
  12. Stop telling men us you dress provocative for us, that’s bullshit; you dress provocative because you love to get men’s attention, just admit it.
  13. Let us ogle, remember when you were single and dressed to get men’s attention and you didn’t care if they were single, married or taken, now it’s time for you to share your men’s glances.
  14. If you wear a wonder bra and like expose your cleavage then don’t complain that we stare at your boobs instead of your eyes, if you don’t like that then cover your boobs.
  15. Sunday football is like the full moon or the changing of the tides, let us be.
  16. Understand the verb WATCH, we go to the movies to watch a movie not to chat and comments are only allowed during commercials.
  17. Foreign films are meant for foreigners.
  18. We choose the movies because the there’s too much drama in real life that it doesn’t make sense to watch even more drama in the movies. If you don’t like it we can go with our friends to the movies and you as well.
  19. Your brother is an idiot, your father probably too and your ex-boyfriends are gays and idiots.
  20. Your Mom doesn’t have to be my best friend and she is not always the best cooker in the world.
  21. If you think you might be fat is because you are. Don’t ask men if you look fat if you are waiting for an honest answer; just got to the gym.
  22. We are not mind readers; if you want something just ask us directly what you want. Subtle, strong or obvious hints don’t work; in general, hints don’t work at all.
  23. Yes, no and maybe are also answers.
  24. Don’t ask us questions about things you already know the answer, especially if you don’t want to hear the answer.
  25. Don’t ask us if we know what day is today, we never mark anniversaries on a calendar.
  26. Birthdays, valentines, anniversaries and Christmas are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, just tell us what kind of present you want.
  27. Sometimes we are not thinking about you; live with it.
  28. Dogs are better than any cat, period.
  29. You have too many clothes and too many shoes, shopping is not a sport.
  30. Anything you wear is fine, really.
  31. Crying is blackmail, we hate it and the blackmail will work only couple of times, after that, we don’t give a damn if you cry.
  32. Everything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument and most likely we don’t even remember what we said seven days ago.
  33. If Christopher Columbus found America using a compass why we need to ask for directions when we have GPS and Google Maps?
  34. Check your oil, gas and air pressure before you leave.
  35. Don’t give us 50 rules; we don’t have the capacity to remember more than 5.
  36. Don’t ask us what we are thinking unless you are ready to discuss topics like football, sports cars or video games.
  37. Just because you forgot that you were once a little girl it doesn’t mean that we have to stop paying attention to our inner kid.
  38. Our relation is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
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